The Light
by Fallen Heart
Summary: Drabble. Set in The Real Paul Anka. RoryJess


**Disclaimer**: I own nothing about Gilmore Girls, or its characters.

**Set**: The Real Paul Anka

**Pairing**: Rory/Jess

Dedicated to my friends on the Literati thread on Fan Forum, because you're all keeping up the hope for Rory/Jess even when things don't look too good for them. You're all wonderful people and I can't help but adore each one of you.

I hope you'll like this drabble, seeing as it's my first try to even write Jess. :)

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The hardest thing he ever had to do was to watch her walk out of that door, and probably out of his live forever. It felt like the world around him would close up on him any second – to take him away from the pain and misery, actually he hoped for it. It hurt to try and think about how he'd go on with his life without _her_. She was his reason for everything. She was the reason he was who he was. And now she had move on, with somebody he'd come to hate. A guy from the inner circle they used to mock and make fun of. That was the pathetic part about it all. He thought he knew her. Really _knew_ her, when truth was that he probably didn't, at least not anymore. 

The Rory he always known wouldn't have forgiven her boyfriend for cheating on her, nor would she have dropped out of school. It wasn't like her. This behaviour wasn't like her. And it caused him pain to know that she had come to see him because she just wanted somebody to love her, no matter whom. It didn't matter if the feelings were returned or not, it was all about her. It had always been just about her. The ironic thing about it was that she had no clue of what she doing to people by acting the way she did. He hurt knowing the kiss they had shared was one sided, that she probably only returned it as payback to whatever Logan had done to her. The actual boyfriend of hers. Honestly, it was still hard to imagine Rory loving a guy like him. What could she possibly see in the guy anyway? He had yet to see any good qualities, only terrible ones.

But deep down he knew that the main reason for his dislike for Logan was that he was her boyfriend – the one she had chosen for herself. The one to be the guy he never was, to treat her the way he hadn't managed to when they were together. Because if she loved him as much as she obviously did, there's got to be reasons for it. Rory didn't let just anybody into her heart. Even though she acted friendly and comfortable with everybody, it wasn't who she was. She was actually sometimes even more closed off than he was, especially when it came to being truthful of her feelings. Come to think of it, it wasn't something either of them had been good at. They still weren't.

When he had asked her if everything was fixed, he had just assumed that meant that Logan was out of her life, that he was a distant memory – a non existent factor. But he had been proven wrong. She was still with Logan. He should have known that she didn't care for him like that. That he was the only one carrying around a torch for her. She was in love with somebody else, while he was still hopelessly in love with her. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring himself to just move on the way she had. He just couldn't.

It made him feel awfully pathetic to realize such a thing. He wanted to go back to the guy who didn't care about anything or anyone so desperately. Sometimes he even wished he had never come to Stars Hollow. But then again, he wouldn't ever have spent the time he did with Luke. Luke, also one of the few people who cared for him no matter what. His uncle had never given up on him, even when things were looking so bad. When he felt like life just wasn't worth the loneliness, the pain and numbness. But Luke reminded him that it was all worth it. That somewhere down the line, he'd find his light throughout all the darkness. The light who also happened to be the one he loved. He owed Rory and Luke for so many things. He knew he could never repay them but try and be the man they always wanted him to be.

And even if he didn't have Rory right this moment, he would still carry around hope that someday, somewhere in the future, they'd find their back to each other again. When the timing was right and nothing was standing in their way. Until that day, he'd wait for her. Because he knew with all his heart that she would be worth it…


End file.
